Fire Emblem: Gheb Chronicles
by Coldsteel Da Hedgeheg
Summary: The Fire Emblem is in trouble and it's up to the universe most schmexiest Lord to save the worlds with in. Detecting high levels of win inside this story! I can't believe Gheb doesn't have a slot in the character section of this site . I'll update every time I get an idea for a chapter. Enjoy! Criticisms welcome! I might have to raise rating to M later.
1. Chapter 1

Opening

Epic instrumental orchestrated music plays as the screen spins slowly around Grado Keep. We zoom in to the balcony to see Gheb waving at a crowd of Gradoian citizens, all of whom admire his schmexiness.

The scene changes to show Lycia, Bern, Sacae and the rest of Elibe. We zoom into an Ostian Castle and see Gheb with Eliwood, Hector and Lyn. The scene then changes to show a big red dragon coming out of a portal, as soon as Gheb charges at it, the scene fades.

Another scene shows Gheb leading an army against the king of Bern.

A scene is shown were Gheb is now being carried by a big, green hawk down a cliff, and dropped off in front of a knight with black armor. The two clash swords, the black knight shoves Gheb back. Gheb then runs towards a wall, jumps against it to sling himself towards his opponent, and performs an Ike-style Aether on the black knight. They clash swords once again, and the scene fades with Gheb slashing his swords downwards while he is in the air -in the middle of an Aether- and the black knight blocking it with his sword -struggling in keeping his balance in the midst of the mighty impact.

Then we move over to a scene were Gheb is fighting a Marth lookalike in Arena Ferox. In the middle of the fight, the epic music that was playing throughout the events, transitions into the even more epic Fire Emblem theme.

While the main theme plays, the final scene shows Gheb on a throne surrounded by almost every female characters in the series.

As the opening animation ends, an Epic Title screen shows up on screen that reads "Faia Emuburemu Gebu _Kuronikuru"_

 _You press start and the adventure begins!_


	2. Premonition: Gheb's Awakening

Hi, guys! Author here. I didn't update because I hadn't played GhebFE and GhebSaga, so I felt I wasn't portraying things correctly. Since GhebFE covers Magvel and GhebSaga, Elibe, I habe decided to skip straight to the Awakening arc. Afterwards, we will go Tellius. So pretty much expect to see a lot of the original protagonists to be the antagonists like in gheb's game.

Stay Schmexy and enjoy! Criticisms welcome.

* * *

It was a calm, cool night in Grado -the capital country of the continent of Magvel. Inside Grado keep were Gheb and his schmexy posse, they were celebrating their recent victory over Gleb -the epic failure of an impostor to Gheb's title, the "hawtness" to rival Gheb's "schmexiness."

"Woo hoo! Hey, loli! Get this all on cam!" said Gheb as he started chugging down a barrel of Grado's finest champagne.

"Haha! You're a hoot, fat man!" said the peerless swordsman and Gheb's most trusted general known as Glass, he was cheering on the schmexy king.

A few seconds later Gheb finished drinking all that the five-gallon container had within. He let out a huge , prolonged belch, much to the disgust of Caellach -who was passing by right in front of him and was blasted by the alcoholic wind produced by Gheb.

"Ugh! Watch where your burping, fat turd!" Caellach demanded as he walked towards another group of the posse, and away from Gheb.

"Alright! I got it all on tape, your schmexiness!" Amelia said while turning off her camera.

"Feck yeah!" said his schmexiness, he pumped his fist in the air before collapsing to the floor.

"Whoa! Should we call an ambulance?" Glass asked. Everyone just shrugged off the whole incident and continued participating in the festivities.

"Hey, McCartney! Play us another one of your booze songs, damn it!" Batta said, he was already on his tenth beer can, it was a famous brew imported from Carcino.

"You got it! I'm feeling a little romantic, so here goes a love song!" The bard said as he took out an accordion, letting his harmonica rest for a while, he then started to play a tango - "Vuelvo al Sur" by Astor Piazzolla.

The sounds of the accordion filled the ball room in Grado's keep, Denning was helping carry out the tune with his violin, then followed by McCartney's firm, manly singing voice. Glass was walking near Karla, who was discussing things with L'arachel and Sonia. He aproached her from behind and tapped her on the shoulder.

"Hey, hot stuff, care to dance?" Glass asked her with a playful look in his eye as she turned to look at him.

"Don't call me that! Remember who has the deadlier sword!" Karla snapped, but then blushed at Glass's request. "But, sure, one dance couldn't hurt."

Without another word being said, Glass embraced the beautiful, but deadly, swordswoman in his arms. He wrapped his right hand around her hip, she placed hers on his right shoulder, both their lefts hands locked fingers together. They made their way to the dance floor, and began dancing to McCartney's song. The steps they took back and forth, left to right, were so synchronized and harmonious, that you could see how strong their bonds and trust they had, with and in each other, had definitely grown and developed powerfully throughout their adventures with the posse. They continued to whirl, twirl, and occasionally jump throughout the song -dancing with passion and desire for one another. Their movements perfectly matched the speed and rythym of the music. They danced with a strong and barely controllable emotion, so much so, that for a few seconds their souls leaped put out of their bodies and intertwined with each other to become a single spirit -the spirit of peerless swordplay and beauty. All the spectators were dazzled by the marvelous sight of Glass's peerless dance moves and Karla's graceful physique.

As the song came to an end, so did their tango. While the final notes of the violin and accordion where vibrating, they held each other, face pressed against face, and eyes closed. Once it was completely over the posse cheered and applauded the remarkable performance they just witnessed.

"Cheers! To Glass and Karla for their elegant display!" Cormug cried, he was drinking wine while chatting with his brother Glenn about their dad.

Meanwhile, downstairs, Deussel was having his weekly Manly Men Organization Meeting with Bernard, Oliver and Lucius.

"...And that concludes today's manly observations!" said Deussel, wrapping up the meeting. "Now, let's go upstairs and celebrate with the others!"

Suddenly, the doorbell rang.

"Oh! That must be the pizzaman!" Lucius stated. He went over to the castle's front door and asked the guards to open up.

They opened the door only to find a dark-gray skinned man, wearing blue and gold robes and a golden, horned headress that made him look like a devil.

"Where is he? Where is he?!" Shouted what appeared to be an evil sorcerer, he took out a black tome while dark matter surrounded his book and hands, his hair was being blown back by the force that was emanating from the tome.

"Quick! To the ballroom! We left our weapons there!" Deussel shouted to his companions. They rushed upstairs, with the strange man chasing them down and blasting rays of his magic towards them -each hit missed, hitting the walls.

They finally reached the room where the rest of the posse was. They warned them of the intruder and began to arm themselves.

"Shit, man! Why do all these random douches attack us every time we're resting?!" Batta said as he took out his trusty axe, the Sodomizer.

The evil man barged right in to the room they were all in.

"Heh heh heh! Fools, I am Validar! Stand back or be sacrificed to Grima!" Validar said. He then executed a hex that had everyone collapse to the floor. "I sense him... he is definitely here!" The grimleal surveyed his surroundings until he finally spotted what he was looking for. He approached Gheb's unconscious body, foam was coming out of his mouth. "Heh heh heh! The force is strong in this one! His godly schmexiness is just as the legends say! He will make a fine vessel for Grima! My son may now be on my side and have Ylisse under his command, but he was rejected in the end by Grima's power, as evil as he may be now. But the body of the legendary, schmexy warrior king surely wont fail!"

Validar raised his arms and began to chant a spell. Soon a portal opened up in the sky and tore open the castle ceiling. The portal sucked up Gheb and the rest of his schmexy posse before closing. Before they were all transported, something wrong went on with spell, causing the portal to scatter everyone across this other world, instead of all in one place like Validar planned.

"Drat! No matter...I'll have Robin send soldiers to find him, where ever he ended up..." The sorcer said to himself before teleporting back to his world.

Somewhere in a random field his schmexiness was waking up from his coma.

"There are better places to sleep then on the floor, fat man." Gheb opened his eyes and looked to see Glass and Amelia staring at him, Glass extended is arm to Gheb to help him get up.

"Hmmm... Glass? Where are we? I can't remember anything."

"I know Gheb, you passed out at the party." Glass explained. "While you were out some crazy douche teleported us here. Some random villager said we were in Ylisse or something like that."

"Yes, schmexiness. The guy said something about using you as a vessel or something..." Amelia added.

"I see... Amelia. Glass... hmm...? How are your peerless skills doing? And where did you get that sword?"

"Pwnsome, just about as pwnsome as your schmexiness. Oh, and this sword, I bought it at a pawn shop. They said it was called 'Falchion.' You see, it looks like these random assholes are going to come after us... so I'm going to have to use my peerless swordplay."

"Lol. Well, where do we go from now?" asked Gheb.

"Some guy said there was a place called Southtown just east of here. Maybe we'll find someone from the posse there." Amelia suggested.

"Good idea, loli! Let's-a go!"

The three made there way to the town. Little did they know they were in for a fierce battle.


	3. On the Verge of Schmexy History

"So, this is Southtown! Lol, thete are a lot of good whores here!" Gheb proclaimed. The other two ignored his remarks and decided to make their way to an inn, to rest up. Suddenly, they heard a grumbling noise coming from Gheb.

"Food! I need food! I haven't eaten since yesterday! I'm going to starve!" Gheb shouted anxiously.

"Hmmm...? Oh, I believe they have an outdoor farmer's market downtown. I was near there earlier at the pawn shop I told you about. Let's go!" Glass suggested.

"Good ideah! Hey, loli!" Gheb called out to Amelia.

"Yes, schmexiness?" Amelia replied.

"Do you love me?!"

"Uh... sure, schmexiness. Of course I do..."

"Then carry me on your back, loli. Gheb's hungry and he can't walk on an empty stomach!" Gheb stated.

 _Oh, man! I hate it when he asks me to do this! Sigh... oh well..._ Amelia thought to herself. "Alright, Gheb let us be off then..." Amelia agreed hesitantly. On that remark, Gheb hoped on her back -despite her inferior CON compared to Gheb's, she can carry him with relative ease. She rode him all the way to the food court.

A few blocks ahead of our heroes was one Ylisse's wariest knights. He, along with a handful of soldiers, was in Southtown looking for a certain precious object.

"Sir, Fredrick!" a generic Ylissean soldier called to him. "Sir, what seems to be the matter? You've been silent for a few minutes now."

"Hmmm...? Oh, pardon me. I was just thinking about starting fires," Fredrick explained. "But not the usual campfire... This village is to be put to the flame! Not a single one of these curs confesses to the location of the Falchion! Reports are 100% accurate and indicate that it was brought here by that thief Sakon yesterday!"

"Sire! We will bring out the torches right away!" the soldier said, nodding in agreement. Moments later a lot of the homes in Southtown were set a flame, and Fredrick ordered every swordsman be detained, for they planned on interrogating them regarding the whereabouts of Chrom's stolen Falchion.

Meanwhile, on the other side of town, his schmexiness was buying up a few snacks to satisfy his cravings. "Alright, pastry whore, give me a bag of your finest crumpets! NAO!" His schmexiness demanded.

"Eh, right away, sir..." The young woman said. "That will be 300 monies."

Gheb payed up with one hand, and simultaneously recieved the baked goods with the other. He proceeded to anxiously and barbarically tear the bag open, then he stuffed his mouth with the food. "Mmmm... nom... nom... munch... munch... Thanks, whore! I was starving!" Gheb said in between chews. The clerk just gave him an odd look and then continued her shop-keeping duties.

Gheb was about to enter a café next door, when suddenly Amelia comes running toward him. "Shcmexiness! C-Come quick! Glass is being arrested by some soldiers!" Amelia yelled out as she gasped for air.

"What?! But he is peerless! That's not supposed to happen!" Gheb cried. The two headed where glass was being surrounded. "Hey, feggits! Prepare yourselves to get pwnd!1"

The soldiers turned their heads to see a fat man with an axe and a blonde loli next to him with a lance. "Hmm..?! You think you can take us on, fat turd?" one of the soldiers questioned. Without a word more Gheb took his trusty axe, the Raep her, and cut down 6 of the 12 guards around Glass. Glass took the moment the remaining soldiers were off guard, and took them out with his peerless swordplay.

"Thanks, Gheb. It looks like they wanted this sword from me..." Glass said. The three ran North, looking for the nearest exit from town, more buildings were being burned down by the second. A few soldiers saw the trio looking suspicious, they began to chase after them.

"There they are! After them!" a soldier yelled.

"Stop, sinners!" another soldier called out to them.

Soon, more and more soldiers came in. Our heroes were soon surrounded and vastly outnumbered.

"Heh! We have'em right where we want'em! Get the sword!"

"Pfft... let's pwn this losers, Gheb," Glass said confidently.

Glass activated astra and struck down 50 soldiers, a crit with every hit. The other soldiers were scared shitless at the epic pwnage that they witnessed, so they called for reinforcements. Ten minutes of schmexy, peerless, and loli ass-kicking later, about a thousand soldiers were on the floor -either drawing their last breaths, or agonizing in pain.

"Lol. That takes care of that," Gheb scoffed.

"Oh no! Here comes the FAIL-Jaigen, Fredrick!" shouted a random villager. Fredrick charged at Gheb with a lance, on his horse at full speed. When he was within five feet of his schmexiness, Gheb tossed his axe in the air -it rapidly spun while airborne- he performed a front flip ten feet in the air, before grabbing his axe from the pole, and finally, slashed his mighty weapon downwards on Fredrick. The impact of the schmexy aether was so strong, it sent Fredrick and his horse twenty feet away.

"M-My lord... Chrom, I have failed you..." Fredrick whispered his final words before resting in peace, on the cold, hard ground.

Moments later the the fires were put out and everyone cheered at that departure of the oppressive knight. Before Gheb and the other two walked out the town, a few villagers came running behind them. "Oh, schmexy one! Thank you for saving our town!" a villager said.

"Yeah! That fail-jaigen made us scrub the floors so hard the tiles would break. Also, made us wipe our butts so hard they bled, whenever using a public restroom."

"Yeah... not to mention, those posters he put around town of Chrom naked were drawing in too many yaoi fans," added another.

"Lolwut? Well, pwning douches full of fail is what we do best," Gheb told them.

"Please, stay the night. We'll have a feast in your honor," a villager offered.

The trio looked at each other for a moment.

"Hmmm.. I don't know, fat man. We should really start looking for the rest of the posse. Like Remmy, Glen, Marcus, Dart, that one whore and the other," Glass brought up.

"Meh. It can wait until tomorrow. Nao let's gets some FOOD and WHORES!" Gheb exclaimed.

Amelia and Glass just looked at Gheb and shrugged. The villagers led them downtown, where they were having a bear barbaque. They ate and danced all night long.

The next day they said their farewells and left the town. Southtown later renamed itself to "Schmexytown" after Gheb. They also erected statues of Gheb, Amelia, and Glass in front of town hall, to honor them for their heroic deeds that day.


End file.
